Defeated but not BROKEN

When things are going well in weight loss it is easy to get ahead of yourself.  At least it is for me.  Some times i need to remember that even with the weight loss that i have achieved I still have a long way to go.  I'm not talking about the number on the scale,  I'm not a big lover of scales it becomes an obsession for people and can make you go mad if you don't see the numbers that you want.  I'm more interested in becoming able to achieve task and not be held back by my size.  For to many years my thought process has been can i do this or am i to fat.  Its no way to go through life.  I have had a dream of climbing the 48 peaks in New Hampshire that are 4000' or higher.  In my mind completion of that list would mean freedom from my burden of the "I cant do it" thinking.  When i started this venture in February if you had asked me if i thought i would be climbing a 4000' mountain in May i would have told you that you were fawking nuts.  When i started i could barely make it 15 minutes on a treadmill now i can go for over an hour.  I knew this hike was going to be difficult i had a hard time doing bridal veils falls and it was only 2200' so this one was going to be more intense for sure.

The temperature on the Mountain was a comfortable 65 degrees which is good because i was going to be sweating like a whore in no time at all.  I was fortunate that my long time friend Jess came with me.  She was definitely better company than my dog Brady and she wasn't going to try to pull me down the mountain on the way down.

 Unlike Bridal Veils Falls hike there was no warm up to this hike it was a vertical incline from get go.  The trail climbed up along a brook and was pretty rocky with alot of roots from the beginning.  You had to cross the brook twice neither crossing was easily done there were very few rocks for you to get a footing on.  Jess had her camera ready i think she was waiting for me to fall into the water but i managed to get across.  The climb was pretty steady after the second crossing and became more littered with obstacles.  Large rocks and roots made it very difficult.  We eventually made it to a point where you could go out to the waterville valley ski slope and get a view.

The views up in the White Mountains are unbelievable.  It was at this point the hike became extreme.  The trail went to an incline of 45-60 degrees and the path was all large boulders.

I don't know if the new work out from the night before was catching up to me but I made it about a 1/4 mile from that clearing and I was thinking that i was coming close to the top.  The mountain was getting tough but I'm feeling it was close.  At this point we ran into another set of hikers and they broke the news that the clearing was only the half way mark and i had only gone about a mile and a half.  This trail was going to get alot worse and i had about another mile to go.  We had a weather update from earlier that they were expecting severe weather in the area starting around 4pm including hale.  I had to make a decision,  I didn't have another mile up in me.  My legs were like lead and the trail wasn't going to get any better any time soon.  Plus at the pace i was going we would not be done before the severe weather was expected to start and we did not want to be caught in the storm.  I decided that the wise option was to turn around and head back.

 

We got back to the clearing and decided to walk do the ski slope.  That decision was pretty rough the slope was muddy still my feet got soaked.  I will tell you a great leg work out walk down a steep hill, my legs were on fire when we reached the Mountain Lodge. 

After a quick photo-op with the great smokey the bear we finally made it back to the car.  I was wiped out.  I felt bad i completely passed out on Jess for the majority of the car ride home.  I will tell you i feel pretty defeated right now.  It never feels good to lose the big game, to miss the big shot, to not achieve your goals and expectations.  its a very demoralizing feeling.  I can say i lost this battle, but its a long war. G.K. Chesterton once said “How you think when you lose determines how long it will be until you win.”  and that has to be my mind set.  It was an ambitious under taking i attempted and yeah i didn't complete it.  But i am not done fighting. i will go after lower peaks and build my self up to a point where i will defeat that mountain.  You can never quit in life, i dint finish this peak but that just means i got to regroup train more and attack it again.  By the end of this summer i will be up that mountain.  And i will make it my own.  Sure i cant say i finished Mt. Tecumseh but i can say that i started it which is more than i could of said four months ago.  As long as i keep going for it i cant lose.

500 lbs up a mountain

As I keep going on my journey I am always looking for ways to push myself to go further then i have ever gone before.  I have always had a goal of climbing the 48 4000 foot peaks of New Hampshire.  I grew up camping I was a boyscout when i was younger even made it all the way to Eagle Scout.  There is something about nature that has always been in my heart.  Probably the hardest part of being over weight is it took me away from the outdoors.  The thought of going on a hike was never something i would consider in the recent past.  My good friends Jay and Jess are big inspirations for me they recently did a trip to Yosemite and they were showing just how truly beautiful it was.  They said the next time they went i should go with them.  In my heart of hearts I wanted nothing more than that but I knew at my state of being it was an impossibility.  Once Jonathan and I started this journey the goal for me was to able to hike.  This last weekend I did my very first Hike.



 

My Friend Dan was originally supposed to go with me but had to cancel the last minute.  I was not going to let in stop me and decided to go up on my own.  My first hike was to Bridal Veil Falls in Franconia New Hampshire.  About two hours north of where I live.  I decided to take my Dog Brady with me as I have not spent alot walking time with him and I really wanted to change that.  The weather was overcast with a high possibility of rain but i was determined.  The drive up alot of anticipation was building up.  I had been working out since the beginning of February but this was by far going to be the toughest thing I had ever attempted so far.  The trip up was worth it the views were amazing.  The mountains of New Hampshire have to one of the greatest places on the planet.

Once I reached the area the trail was about a half mile from the parking area.  Treadmills are liars, i can walk on a treadmills for hours but 3/4 of mile into the hike my legs were already burning.  The trail was easy at first just a slight steady incline and very smooth. then I hit my first obstacle.

There was about three of these in total on the hike; high enough to not go over them yet low enough you could not duck under easily.  I employed an exercise we had done at the gym one i always hated but hey i worked.  That's right i bear crawled under these trees like a champ.  The trail continued on and I was handling it pretty good.  about a mile in you reach the creek and that's when the trail became pretty rough.  Now it may not be rough for well the old people passing me but hey i thought it was pretty challenging.

I kept thinking to myself that you are far away from the car you cant afford to hurt your self out here you are by your self and if you go down you are on your own.  I kept plugging along my legs were on fire i was dripping wet.  About 1.75 miles into the hike I started hitting some rough vertical inclines.  they were steep and very rocky.  I started thinking that this might be too much for me.  My legs were like rubber and i kept thinking i cant do it.  Amazingly I had cell phone service up there i started calling looking for someone to tell me what to do one way or the other.  I tried Jess, Jonathan, Edmund no one answered on a hope I called my friend Courtney who is on the biggest loser this season and she actually answered.  She yelled at me to not quit and told me she wanted a picture of the waterfall in an hour.  It was what i needed and i pushed on.  Pictures don't do justice to how amazing this place is.


It took me a little over five hours to complete the 5 mile trip.  I just kept pushing and pushing.  As i close in on my first 100 pounds lost I think back if you asked me in January if you thought i would be doing a five mile hike up a mountain to a waterfall I probably would have told you that you were nuts.  I am sore still now as i am writing this.  I am not much of a crier but it was a little emotional for me to think that i am getting my life back that i am not going to an early grave without a fight.  This is just the beginning of this journey.  I have a long way to go and a lot more weight to go but i can take this moment to enjoy this little victory that i had.  I needed some encouragement from a friend but i got it done and i am looking forward to the next challenge in my life.

The Battle wages on

We work hard.  We train, we do the right things and I look and sometimes I don’t see it.  I have lost over seventy pounds and I look in the mirror and I still see a really fat person.  My clothes fit better people comment that I look really good but I still have to convince myself that what I’m doing is working.  I battle constantly with my mind.  Temptations still call to me but I battle on.  I am at full out war with myself and the stakes are very high I just hope I have the fire power to win.  For all the positive people that I interact with there are always some that it seems is there goal to knock you back down.  It is these distracters that have always beaten me in the past.  I have always let someone’s negative comment weigh on me until I except what they say as reality.  It’s really hard for me to do something for myself because I want to do it that my life is worth saving for me and not for other people.  I bust my ass in the gym because I want to be healthy and live a long full life.  Sometimes I got to say pardon my French “Fuck you this is for me” shitty people are always going to be there.  I write this because today I interacted with one of these people, it wasn’t what she said but it was her attitude towards me that really pissed me off.  This lady looked at me like I was a fat piece of garbage and really took a shit on my day.  Instead of letting this lady ruin me I am now even more determined than before.  I want more than ever to overcome this weight for me and well because I also want to give the big one finger salute to the doubters (Hey what can say I can be a little spiteful).  Life is short you really don’t need bad people in it.  For all the people fighting this battle I am with you, I feel your pains and your struggles.  Together we will overcome this epidemic and live today for the rest of our lives.

-Mike

Month 3

Month 3

We hit the floor running:

We are through week 12 now of this project and I will say there are marked improvements in my life.  My meals are pretty good and on point.  I have a pattern to my meals which some people don’t like but it works for me and my busy life.  The main reason it works for me I enjoy the food I am eating.  Not only is it good for me but it tastes good too.  I’m still not perfect on weekends I don’t usually get my snacks but all in all I can say imp on the right path.  Edmund always reminds us that 80% of weight loss is the food you put in your mouth not the miles you put on the treadmill.  For the workouts things have changed we are now on the floor of the gym using the weights.  The work outs were broken into day one chest and back, day two bis and tris, and day three legs and shoulders.  We end each workout with a cardio session.  The cardio this month has been very intensive.  First we did sprints on the hill at the gym holding two 45lbs. weights with the other person doing down and jumps.  We followed the hill sprints by doing jumping jacks onto a box I was skeptical about this exercise I’m not one that gets a lot of height when I jump but I trusted Edmund and it turned out I was able to do them.  After the jumping jacks we did side jumps over a rope which weren’t bad.  The final cardio was the bear crawl.  I’m not going to lie I hate bear crawls.  They are very tough.  At this point in the work out I am sweating profusely and I repeatedly slip in the sweat.  I had to find a way to control my sweat.  All in all I can say feel awesome.  I am losing weight; I have so much more energy.  My mood is always good.  I look forward to working out and the things to come. 

 

 

Month: 3      Program Routine: 1

-Stretches

·        Neck

·        Butterfly

·        Twist

·        Pushing the wall

·        Reach for heels feet together

·        Lean over hamstring

·        Lunges

-Exercises

·        Seated Bench press

·        Incline bench press

·        Decline Flys

·        Seated Flys

·        Seated lateral pull downs

·        Seated rows

·        Seated back extensions

-Cardio

·        Hill sprints with two 45lb plates

·        Jumping jacks onto a box

·        Jump side to side over a rope

·        Bear crawls

-Stretches

Month: 3        Program Routine: 2

-Stretches

·        Neck

·        Butterfly for chest

·        Twist

·        Push the wall

·        Reach for heels

·        Lean over hamstring

·        Lunges

-Exercises

·        Seated bicep curl on Machine

·        Seated triceps pushdown on Machine

·        Individual bicep curl on machine

·        Individual triceps pull down on machine

·        Standing bicep curl with rope

·        Dips on Machine

-Cardio

·        Hill sprints with two 45lb plates

·        Jumping jacks onto a box

·        Jump side to side over a rope

·        Bear Crawls

-Stretches

Month: 3             Program Routine: 3

-Stretches

·        Neck

·        Butterfly for chest

·        Twist

·        Push the wall

·        Reach for heals

·        Lean over hamstrings

·        Lunges

-Exercises

·        One legged seated press

·        Seated knee extensions

·        Seated hamstring curl

·        Side lunges

·        Standing calf raises

·        Seated military press

·        Seated side lateral raises

·        Reverse flys on machine

-Cardio

·        Hill sprints with two 45lb plates

·        Jumping jacks onto a box

·        Jump side to side over a rope

·        Bear crawls

-Stretches

 

 

 

 

 

Month 2

Month 2

Now we are rolling:

As the time goes on the eating becomes an easier thing to get used to.  I am still not perfect but I am a lot better.  We continue meeting with Alicia and we fine tune the things we are doing.  Improving afternoon snacks making them a little bigger so I’m not starving come dinner time.  We hit bumps like going to party unprepared.  It was a hard lesson to learn going out and eating properly.  Restaurants are ok Jonathan and I will look at the menu and discuss what we feel are the best options and what we feel would be good for us.  A lot of restaurants have healthy options which can make your life a lot easier.  You just have to be smart and sensible I have found.  The major hiccup was a birthday party we went to.  We didn’t eat before hand and by the time the food was out we were starving.  The only food they had was finger foods.  There is nothing good about a finger food except for how they taste which is usually awesome.  Jonathan and I failed hard that night.  The next morning I felt sick my body didn’t like that food anymore and it was telling me.  The important thing when you fail you can’t let it keep you down.  One bad meal can easily turn into a two week binge of crap.  You got to look on the inside and say yeah I messed up last night now let’s cut the shit and do today right let’s do breakfast right.  Don’t kill yourself over stumbles.  At the gym play time was over.  We continued with the boot camp format this month but now there were no breaks when he was doing one on ones.  If Edmund was working one of us the other is doing squats with a jump, jumping jacks, and suicides running backwards or running a stack of 45lbs plates across the gym.  All the exercises are new including the stretches and the warm-ups.  In the warm up he added a lot of jumping and he added jogging.  At the begging of the month we would jog for a minute which doesn’t seem like much but when you haven’t ran since I would say 14 years or so.  It’s amazing what your body can do even if your mind doesn’t think it’s possible.  That’s the most essential part of working with a trainer.  They are there telling you what you are capable of doing and assuring that you’re doing the work correctly and safely.  They keep you grounded by making sure you don’t convince yourself you can do more than you are capable of too.  You got to have trust in your trainer and take the leap that of faith that they are there for all the right reasons.  Jonathan and I are lucky to be working with a trainer.  If we didn’t have one we would still be working out but it would be a lot easier stuff.  You just got to get moving.  Even just walking around your neighborhood is better than nothing.  Go for 5 minutes then the next day go for 6 and everyday will get a little easier.

 

 

 

Month: 2     Program routine: 1

-Stretches

·        Neck turns

·        Reach for the sky

·        One handed behind head triceps

·        Reach behind back chest stretch

·        Angry cat back stretch

·        Standing hamstring

·        Lunge

-Warm-up

·        Quick feet                                                     Punch and kick both sides

·        Heel hoppers                                               Speed bag and hooks

·        Side lunges touching the ground           Jog around the room

·        2 hops back one hop forward

-Exercises

·        Wall squats w/medicine ball and dumbbells on thighs

·        Forward lunges w/ overhead press

·        Hamstring plate drag

·        Individual dumbbell press

·        Dumbbell fly laying on ground

·        Pushups

·        Overhead shoulder raises w/ plates

·        Flys w/plates

·        Boxing 3 rounds: straight punches, punch and duck, walking uppercuts

-Cool down

-Stretches

Breaks were eliminated while doing one on one work replaced with down and jumps, jumping jacks, suicides running back wards, sprints with 45lb plates.

Month: 2   Program routine: 2

-Stretch

·        Neck turns

·        Reach for the sky hands together

·        One hand behind the head triceps

·        Reach behind back chest

·        Angry cat back

·        Standing hamstring

·        Lunges

-Warm-ups

·        Quick feet                                                                 Punch and kick both sides

·        Heel hoppers                                                           Speed bags and hook

·        Side lunges touching the ground                       jog around the room

·        2 hop back 1 hop forward

-Exercises

·        Pull trainer on mat with the rope

·        Dumbbell backwards flys

·        Bent over rows w/ straight bar

·        Standing curls into a shoulder press

·        Behind the head triceps raises w/ straight bar

·        Curls with rope with trainer resistance

·        One handed triceps pull towards w/ rope and trainer resistance

·        Reverse grip rotating curls

·        Dips on window ledge

·        Boxing 3 rounds straight punches, punch and duck, and walking uppercuts

-Cool down

- Stretches

Month: 2    Program routine: 3

-Stretches

·        Neck turns

·        Reach for the sky hands together

·        One handed behind head triceps

·        Reach behind back chest stretch

·        Angry cat back

·        Standing hamstring

·        Lunges

-Warm ups

·        Quick feet                                                                 Punch and Kick both sides

·        Heel hoppers                                                           Speed bags and hooks

·        Side lunges touching the ground                       Jog around the room

·        2hops back 1 hop forward

-Exercises

·        High knees onto box w/ dumbbells

·        Bench press the trainer resistance

·        Pulling the trainer across the gym with the rope

·        Forward lunges with trunk twist holding medicine ball

·        Pulling each other backwards with rope

·        Two punch two knees into a mat

·        Boxing 3 rounds straight punches, punch and duck, walking uppercuts

-Cool down

-Stretches