Imagine for a moment that you are a singer, not a great singer but a good one. You’ll never perform an aria onstage at the Met. You’ll never be a platinum-selling international pop star. You’re a good singer, who enjoys singing and works hard at it. Imagine that you are the president of a choir that has been given the opportunity to premiere a requiem at Carnegie Hall. Well, I’m Jonathan Manning and back in 2008 that was me. I stood on stage at the great Carnegie Hall with my choir. This was it. My shining moment as a singer, surrounded by many of my friends, I was on one of the most famous stages in the music world. This was my crowning achievement as a singer. I should have been overcome with happiness and a feeling of accomplishment. Instead I hated myself. I spent the entire performance thinking that every eye in the place was on me and that all these people were thinking “what is this fat slob doing up there.” “He doesn’t deserve to be up there.” I hated who I was. I hated that I had let myself balloon to over 500lbs. I hated that I spent every moment on that stage in physical agony that my knees, ankles and back were in so much pain I couldn’t concentrate on what I was singing. This should have been the greatest moment in my life, instead I was hitting rock bottom.
 |
| Me age 5 around 80lbs. |
As I said I’m Jonathan Manning I’m 30 years old and I was raised in the small town of Mulvane Kansas, which is just south of Wichita. My entire life I have been the fat kid. I was never terribly popular growing up, plus my parent’s home schooled me so I spent a lot of time with my family. I have an older brother and a younger sister. I have some family members, like my father and brother that are also overweight. I also spent a lot of time with my grandmother as a kid. And as a kid she was my best friend. She was and truly has been the only person that I’ve ever been able to share my true feelings with. She always accepted me for whom I was, and always made
me feel like I was important and loved. She was always very obese and when I was 15, she passed away from complications that were mainly due to her obesity. I did not handle her loss well; in fact I have never been the same since. I went through a lot of depression and even had thoughts of ending my life. I decided that I couldn’t do that, but if I was going to live this life I was not going to take of myself. I gave up on myself. I lost interest in life. I once was a great piano player; after she died I found no enjoyment in that any longer. I also found no interest in being healthy. By the time I graduated high school, I was over 300lbs. and I really didn’t care. When I’d go to work or church or a college class I’d put on my happy face and act like all was good. I would even joke a lot about my weight. I enjoyed making people laugh about it. I was Big Jon; I actually got to a point where I thought I was cool because I was fat. As the years passed, I continued to slowly put on more and more weight. At times I would try and lose weight just because people wanted me to, and deep down I knew I should. As the years went by I continued to be the happy guy, but inside I’ve been angry and I’ve wanted to change, I just didn’t know how to truly do it. For a long time my weight wasn’t an issue, but by my mid twenties I had high blood pressure and constant pain in my knees, back, and ankles. I also couldn’t do my job the way I wanted. From 2004-2010 I worked in an emergency shelter for kids. Mostly I worked with teenage boys and on several occasions I’d be trying to talk to a kid about making better decisions and I’d be told “Fuck you, you don’t take care of yourself, why should I listen to you?” They were always right; I wasn’t taking care of myself. I wasn’t a good role model for these kids. But the thing that bother me the most was when my brother moved back to Kansas from Washington and brought back with him his two daughters Emily and Kayla. They came about three years ago and I’ve been able to spend a lot of time with them and they have become my world. I love these girls more than anything, and they love me unconditionally. I started to think about what it was like for me after my grandmother had died and how much pain I went through and how much it screwed me up. I got to thinking at 500lbs. I’m probably not going to make it to 40. What would that do to these little girls, who love me so much? I can’t do that to them.
 |
| Me around age 16 and 300lbs. |
Back in the summer of 2009, I was trying to figure out what I was going to do to lose this weight. My sister-in-law and I decided to try out for the biggest loser. I took a day out of work and drove to Kansas City with her. We stayed in a crappy hotel and didn’t get any sleep. She got called at 3am and was told her mom passed away that night. We stood in line at the casting call for half a day for a short interview and then drove all the way home exhausted. Surely god put us through all this to reward us. No. No call back. I was angry and depressed, feeling that I was going to get nowhere. So I went back to life until November, the call that changed it all. Producers calling me about an at home weight loss show and they wanted me to try out. I was excited, but cautious. I decided that I had nothing to lose. I went through all their junk and was told right after Christmas I was going to LA as a finalist. A week in LA was surreal. I spent it having so much fun with an amazing group of people that I could relax and be myself with and they didn’t judge me. I became close with a few of them. One particular was Mike, plus one who has become like another sister and yes we do fight like brother and sister. Mike was great. My twin brother separated at birth. After we left LA we kept in touch almost on a daily basis. We helped each other through the anxiety of the “Wait.” Only to find out we didn’t make the show. I was angry and bitter about not making it. I felt betrayed because I put so much into it for nothing. It was in the midst of all this pain and bitterness that the thought arose what if did this ourselves? What if we worked our asses off on our own, filmed it, and then show people that you can do it on your own. Use it as a way to inspire other people to do the same. So Mike went to work and found people to help us.
After a lot of Soul searching I decided that I needed to make a major change. I had to give up this life I knew and start fresh and brand new. I gave up my full time job of over six years. I packed up whatever I could fit in my car. I left my family and all my friends to leave Kansas the only home I’ve ever known to move to Massachusetts. Now I’ve lived by myself before, but never more than 20minutes from my parents. On New Year’s Eve 2010, I arrived over 1600 miles away from them. No job, no prospects, less than $2000 in my bank account and a car filled with my possessions. I was to live with this one friend Mike, with only a dream that I came here to save my life. Some people called this brave, some called it ballsy. I wasn’t sure what it was, it may have been flat dumb! The first few weeks here were extremely hard. I missed home. I missed my family. I wasn’t comfortable here. We started meeting with our Nutritionist Alicia Moskal. She’s been great. Not only has she taught me to make healthier choices with food, but she has been there for me to talk about my fears and feelings about making this great change. Also, the thing that has made this go so well is that we’ve been making changes to food without making it feel like a diet. I have to enjoy what I’m eating or it will never work. Diets have always made me feel like I was eating crap I hated. I am now eating good tasting food that is healthy for me. After getting started with Alicia we went and presented our plan to Gold’s Gym in Tewksbury, MA. They agreed to help us out. We got hooked up with Edmund. Now I may cuss this man out every one of our workouts, but this guy is awesome. He’s getting me to do things I never thought I could.
 |
| Me around 507lbs. |
No comments:
Post a Comment